I think I need to break up with my Shitty Book Club. When I joined a year and a half ago, I was the 12th member. We met once a month, worked around everyone's schedule, and chose decent books. Back then, only about 6 or 7 people showed up each time, so I felt I got to know everyone pretty quickly. Which was just the perfect thing when I was the new kid in town. But then suddenly, things started to change last summer. New people started showing up each time. Including the one woman in town I am supposed to be especially friendly with (because we're close in age & our hubbies are colleagues), but who I totally cannot stand! By last September, we had 21 freaking members. We started reading these atrocious books that the new members picked. I won't mention them here, but they sucked. What I'm trying to say is I have clearly outgrown this Shitty Book Club, and want to start seeing other people.
However, here in Podunkville, I don't think it can be done without some emotional fallout.
Because, well, people gossip about stupid shit here. As in I went to a brunch today at the home of a woman who is not in Shitty Book Club. One of the other women there, Ms. A, who is also not in Shitty Book Club, mentioned that a mutual friend of ours, who is in Shitty Book Club with me, had told her that she felt Shitty Book Club is now too large (I agree), and that she (Ms. A) had originally hoped to join but now that we've closed it at 21 people she can't. Hmm..... And the hostess, Ms. T, then mentioned that she wanted to join a book club. So I said to Ms. T, "Then perhaps we should start one of our own" - at which point Ms. A quickly made it clear that she did not want to be a part of such a club with Ms. T and me. Weirdness! Ms. A is an odd one, always trying to sell you random things, so no loss really. And I'm not sure Ms. T is what I'm looking for either, though she is totally nice, she wouldn't enjoy reading "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" with me.
I asked DH what he thought I should do. DH said, being a guy, he'd just stop going if he didn't like it. I tried to tell him it's not quite that simple when it comes to female friendships.
What would you do? Ever been in this kind of situation?
EDIT: I found an old NYT article that is a neat summation of typical book club dysfunction: "Fought Over Any Good Books Lately?" by Joanne Kaufman, Dec 5, 2008. Word.
2nd EDIT: I am toying with the idea of emailing the 3 original members and saying "Hi, um, folks are saying this group is too big. I'm partially to blame for that, and it has to be hard on you to organize everyone (as @Jac said). Here are some ideas for splitting the group that would hopefully avoid hurt feelings: 1) By seniority, 2) Alphabetical By Last name, 3) Geographically, or 4) By Random Drawing from a hat. Peace!: And I will give it until the end of May. If nothing changes, I will just Be Perpetually Busy.
3rd EDIT: So I sent an email as described in the 2nd edit. Within minutes I got an impassioned phone call from one of the original members saying "I was so surprised to get your email! We hope you don't want to quit!" and also making odd assertions about not being political or cliquey or even being an organized group. I don't think I made myself very clear. Or perhaps I did and it was too harsh a reality to confront. We meet again on Monday - it may be my last. If it doesn't go well, should I communicate my quitting or just let it be (Be Perpetually Busy)?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Pondunk Moments
We went to a rodeo this weekend with the kids, in the company of our sweet neighbors who have same-aged kids. The ages of the kids are about the only thing we have in common, but yet we have fun together. Even at rodeos. Where we do not belong. The rodeo was a total trip though. I could not believe how people were dressed. Actual cowboys running around with ginormous golden belt buckles, devoid of any irony. Mall hair everywhere. Princesses in sashes, tiaras, and fancy denim, with their hair spiral curled and sprayed to death. Ever see the movie "Borat" where he gets on the mic at the rodeo? It was like that! Only there was no Borat. Just a scary looking clown in a barrel, like in the movies. And a fat emcee who made jokes at the expense of President Obama, gays, and people who enjoy beastiality. We forgot to laugh.
In the local paper, the big story is about the county increasing the cost of marriage licenses to help defray the cost of divorces, where an increasing number of people represent themselves and keep misfiling the paperwork because they cannot read and follow the instructions. Which means the courts have to schedule multiple hearings for each case, and apparently it is all very expensive. Locals are enraged that the courts would "attack marriage." I have no idea where these people come from. That's the big story today. The big story yesterday was that a 17-year-old woman was abducted and murdered last month and police have no leads, and a 17-year-old boy was charged with attempted murder for plotting the next Columbine because he was bullied. Of course he wasn't targeting the actual bullies' houses; his target was a school none of them attended. I live in a crazy ass place, what can I say? I think it is fairly typical, sadly enough.
Do you like where you live?
In the local paper, the big story is about the county increasing the cost of marriage licenses to help defray the cost of divorces, where an increasing number of people represent themselves and keep misfiling the paperwork because they cannot read and follow the instructions. Which means the courts have to schedule multiple hearings for each case, and apparently it is all very expensive. Locals are enraged that the courts would "attack marriage." I have no idea where these people come from. That's the big story today. The big story yesterday was that a 17-year-old woman was abducted and murdered last month and police have no leads, and a 17-year-old boy was charged with attempted murder for plotting the next Columbine because he was bullied. Of course he wasn't targeting the actual bullies' houses; his target was a school none of them attended. I live in a crazy ass place, what can I say? I think it is fairly typical, sadly enough.
Do you like where you live?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Too Much
This week I reached several personal limits:
Too much dog urine in the living room carpet
Too many tantrums from 28-mo-old DS
Too many hours of DH away from home, plus too many hours of babysitter on vacation = way too much time alone with my kids
Too much yelling and general hateration from me towards DS
Too long before I was able to finally take a fucking shower
I think I'm done having kids. Not feeling certain enough to give away all outgrown baby clothes and have DH get a vasectomy... but I'm done with feeling overwhelmed. Definitely see the benefit to the concept of LESS IS MORE.
...But talk to me again in a year, and I might have changed my mind. Again.
How did you know you were DONE? With whatever?
p.s. This may have sounded overly harsh. I didn't mean it to. I like my kids. I just had them too close together and in perhaps the wrong gender order. I know things will improve with time. But right now, I just really need more time to myself that does not include my work or running errands, that's my lesson from this oh so shitty week. In other news, the Oscars are tonight. And DH is making Chicago style pizza. Cause we cashed in a bunch of credit card bonus points and finally got a stand mixer. In tangerine. That's what I'm happy about at this moment. (Lame-o.)
Too much dog urine in the living room carpet
Too many tantrums from 28-mo-old DS
Too many hours of DH away from home, plus too many hours of babysitter on vacation = way too much time alone with my kids
Too much yelling and general hateration from me towards DS
Too long before I was able to finally take a fucking shower
I think I'm done having kids. Not feeling certain enough to give away all outgrown baby clothes and have DH get a vasectomy... but I'm done with feeling overwhelmed. Definitely see the benefit to the concept of LESS IS MORE.
...But talk to me again in a year, and I might have changed my mind. Again.
How did you know you were DONE? With whatever?
p.s. This may have sounded overly harsh. I didn't mean it to. I like my kids. I just had them too close together and in perhaps the wrong gender order. I know things will improve with time. But right now, I just really need more time to myself that does not include my work or running errands, that's my lesson from this oh so shitty week. In other news, the Oscars are tonight. And DH is making Chicago style pizza. Cause we cashed in a bunch of credit card bonus points and finally got a stand mixer. In tangerine. That's what I'm happy about at this moment. (Lame-o.)
Friday, March 5, 2010
The Crazies
I love me some scary B-movies. Especially zombie movies. So I was pretty excited when DH told me he wanted to see "The Crazies" instead of "Shutter Island" for our Thursday date night. Oh, man it delivered. "The Crazies" was brilliantly scary. It gave me the same uneasy reaction I had for a few days after seeing the remake of "Dawn of the Dead" in '04. I had a damn hard time sleeping - and not just because my 2 year old was kicking me in the head all night.
"The Crazies" has actually gotten pretty decent reviews, including a "SEE IT" from my 2 favorite critics. I'm an avid watcher of "At The Movies" on the Reelz channel. Michael Phillips and A.O. Scott are two of the best movie reviewers out there. I usually put their recommendations on my Netflix queue because I usually can't make it to the theatre very often. They both disliked "Shutter Island" so we gave it a pass, though we are huge Scorsese fans, they said it was his weakest film since "Bringing Out The Dead," and said some of the film's Holocaust imagery was borderline offensive. Enough said. Glad we went with "The Crazies."
I'll let you IMBD the plot. I thought Timothy Olyphant was great as the tiny Iowa town's sheriff. The film had some interesting critiques of America today, as zombie movies often do. Of course it was gory to an extreme, and there were lots of really good jump out of your seat moments that worked, because they were somehow believable despite the genre.
If any of you out there actually go and see these kinds of movies, or have other recommendations for me, I'd love to hear them!
"The Crazies" has actually gotten pretty decent reviews, including a "SEE IT" from my 2 favorite critics. I'm an avid watcher of "At The Movies" on the Reelz channel. Michael Phillips and A.O. Scott are two of the best movie reviewers out there. I usually put their recommendations on my Netflix queue because I usually can't make it to the theatre very often. They both disliked "Shutter Island" so we gave it a pass, though we are huge Scorsese fans, they said it was his weakest film since "Bringing Out The Dead," and said some of the film's Holocaust imagery was borderline offensive. Enough said. Glad we went with "The Crazies."
I'll let you IMBD the plot. I thought Timothy Olyphant was great as the tiny Iowa town's sheriff. The film had some interesting critiques of America today, as zombie movies often do. Of course it was gory to an extreme, and there were lots of really good jump out of your seat moments that worked, because they were somehow believable despite the genre.
If any of you out there actually go and see these kinds of movies, or have other recommendations for me, I'd love to hear them!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
DS Hurt DD
My heart is heavy. My 28-month-old son managed to take my almost 5-month-old daughter's bottle and pummel her little head and nose with it while I was in the bathroom (with the heaviest period ever). Thankfully her bottle is lightweight plastic. I came running out when I heard her screaming. She has a huge purple knot on her forehead and about 8 bright red lines across her forehead and nose. And she cried like I have never heard her cry before. Then she drank some milk and went to sleep. I've been checking on her constantly.
I feel like I see my son much differently now, all of the sudden. He didn't seem to even realize that she was hurt. Or care. I'm grappling with how to discuss this with him. He is usually so loving and wonderful. It is just so shocking to me.
And I am also regretting having my kids so close together. I know this spacing has worked really well for others, but my son is turning out to be quite a handful. Even compared to other boys, he is a bit more wild, and yet always very sweet and full of spontaneous hugs & kisses.
Somebody please tell me things will be ok.
I feel like I see my son much differently now, all of the sudden. He didn't seem to even realize that she was hurt. Or care. I'm grappling with how to discuss this with him. He is usually so loving and wonderful. It is just so shocking to me.
And I am also regretting having my kids so close together. I know this spacing has worked really well for others, but my son is turning out to be quite a handful. Even compared to other boys, he is a bit more wild, and yet always very sweet and full of spontaneous hugs & kisses.
Somebody please tell me things will be ok.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Oscar Watch
I'm really looking forward to this year's Oscars (Sunday, March 7th!!!). Alex Baldwin & Steve Martin are co-hosting. Love them both. Alec, I've especially been loving your bloated ass ever you since you let the asshole out. Yeah, you got caught on tape saying really mean things to your daughter, which is not good. But you know what, that tape really helped to put into perspective all the mean things my own mom used to say to me at that age; in fact my BFF and I agree what you said was pretty mild compared to the shizz we endured from our own mommies dearest. And looking at you now, Alec, it makes me realize what a long, long time ago "Clueless" came out, and the phrase "He's such a Baldwin" once meant something, but alas that meaning is now totally lost. Steve Martin, dude, you have looked the same since "Planes, Trains and Automobiles." For real. You were so wise to just let your hair go gray prematurely and all. In fact, I can't even tell for sure what decade you're in - your 50's? or 70's? That's pretty incredible.
Ok, so everyone who has read my blogger profile knows what a crazy freak I am for movies. When I was 10, I won a newspaper contest that had people pick the Oscar winners in the major categories. The tiebreaker question (which I lost) was to guess how long the Oscars would be - past my bedtime then (and now). Anyway, I usually move heaven and earth every year to see all 5 best picture nominees. Now this year they go and change the game on me and double that number, at a time when I have even less me time than ever (thank you, my 2 precious babes).
Best Picture Nominees I Have Seen:
District 9
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Up
Up in the Air
I'm not going to be all Bob Dole and comment negatively on movies I have never seen. But of the five movies I've just listed, 2 have made my lifetime favorites list: "District 9" and "Inglourious Basterds." See them, with the caveat - they are both horribly violent and out there. I hope Quentin Tarantino wins best director; he has a style and universe all his own, and has been overlooked for far too long. And I love that Tarantino used to be a clerk in a video store while trying to break into filmmaking. However, I think Kathryn Bigelow will win though for "Hurt Locker." She's only the 4th woman ever to be nominated for Best Director. Yes, fo rizzle. Crazy!!! I know. But the thing is, I didn't think "Hurt Locker" was particularly memorable, nor was it even among the best war movies ever. By the way, she is up against James "Avatar" "Titantic" "Terminator" Cameron, her ex-friggin-husband. Karma says she deserves to win.
Your thoughts? Predictions?
Ok, so everyone who has read my blogger profile knows what a crazy freak I am for movies. When I was 10, I won a newspaper contest that had people pick the Oscar winners in the major categories. The tiebreaker question (which I lost) was to guess how long the Oscars would be - past my bedtime then (and now). Anyway, I usually move heaven and earth every year to see all 5 best picture nominees. Now this year they go and change the game on me and double that number, at a time when I have even less me time than ever (thank you, my 2 precious babes).
Best Picture Nominees I Have Seen:
District 9
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Up
Up in the Air
I'm not going to be all Bob Dole and comment negatively on movies I have never seen. But of the five movies I've just listed, 2 have made my lifetime favorites list: "District 9" and "Inglourious Basterds." See them, with the caveat - they are both horribly violent and out there. I hope Quentin Tarantino wins best director; he has a style and universe all his own, and has been overlooked for far too long. And I love that Tarantino used to be a clerk in a video store while trying to break into filmmaking. However, I think Kathryn Bigelow will win though for "Hurt Locker." She's only the 4th woman ever to be nominated for Best Director. Yes, fo rizzle. Crazy!!! I know. But the thing is, I didn't think "Hurt Locker" was particularly memorable, nor was it even among the best war movies ever. By the way, she is up against James "Avatar" "Titantic" "Terminator" Cameron, her ex-friggin-husband. Karma says she deserves to win.
Your thoughts? Predictions?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
First Impressions
There was an ad back in the day (for deodorant I think) with the tagline: "Because you never get a second chance to make a first impression." I've been thinking about some of the first impressions I had of the people here in Podunkville. More often than not, my first impressions have been totally wrong.
For instance, there's Stitch, who is my local Podunk BFF. Stitch is someone I am always my authentic self around. I was reflecting on how our friendship began & developed, and I suddenly remembered what an odd, but not necessarily negative, first impression Stitch made on me. We were all at our house, and another couple we're mutual friends with brought Stitch and her husband, Cowboy, over for dinner. The husbands hit it off right away, as did our kids (back when we both had only one), but I was like "what is up with this wacky Stitch biotch?" Because Stitch said a few things about how cute her own kid was: "Everyone thinks she is so cute! And she truly is just so cute!." Yeah, ok, I know we all think our kids are cute (well maybe we all don't), but we don't go around proclaiming this to other parents we've just met, right? So Stitch is all "Everyone just loves my daughter! And her unique little name actually means 'fairy flatulence,' etc..." Now for some reason (I was desperate to make a connection with someone, ANYONE local), we ended up getting together to have the kids play a few weeks later, and lo and behold - Stitch was suddenly a normal fucking person who was charming, witty, and real. Go figure! Turns out the night we first met, she was a bit drunk on something she rarely drinks (hard alcohol) and it caused her to spew diarrhea of the mouth about her kid, who she clearly loves to pieces.
So tell me - do you think first impressions are basically correct?
For instance, there's Stitch, who is my local Podunk BFF. Stitch is someone I am always my authentic self around. I was reflecting on how our friendship began & developed, and I suddenly remembered what an odd, but not necessarily negative, first impression Stitch made on me. We were all at our house, and another couple we're mutual friends with brought Stitch and her husband, Cowboy, over for dinner. The husbands hit it off right away, as did our kids (back when we both had only one), but I was like "what is up with this wacky Stitch biotch?" Because Stitch said a few things about how cute her own kid was: "Everyone thinks she is so cute! And she truly is just so cute!." Yeah, ok, I know we all think our kids are cute (well maybe we all don't), but we don't go around proclaiming this to other parents we've just met, right? So Stitch is all "Everyone just loves my daughter! And her unique little name actually means 'fairy flatulence,' etc..." Now for some reason (I was desperate to make a connection with someone, ANYONE local), we ended up getting together to have the kids play a few weeks later, and lo and behold - Stitch was suddenly a normal fucking person who was charming, witty, and real. Go figure! Turns out the night we first met, she was a bit drunk on something she rarely drinks (hard alcohol) and it caused her to spew diarrhea of the mouth about her kid, who she clearly loves to pieces.
So tell me - do you think first impressions are basically correct?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Pissing Daggers
I woke up at 4:45am this morning because I am grappling with a horrible Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). For those lucky enough to have never had one, let's just say it feels like pissing daggers. And I generally feel like I have to pee like RIGHT fucking NOW, but then only a few drops come out. But then when I ignore the "I have to urgently pee" sensation, I end up wetting myself.
I have a long history with these fuckers. I get UTIs whenever DH and I have sex - which BTW, is not as often as I'd like since giving birth to my second child 4 months ago (I meant the SEX is not as often, not the UTIs - we're both willing but the kids keep cockblocking us.)
I'm taking generic Bactrim for it, but it hasn't fully kicked in yet. In the meantime, I could take that over-the-counter AZO shizz, but don't want to stain my granny panties orange. I'm told I should take half a pill of Bactrim prophylactically, and pee (obviously) everytime after having sex. So I knew what to do, but the real reason I have this UTI right now is that I have been so used to not getting them for so long that I slacked. I haven't gotten one since before I got pregnant last January. For some unknown reason, the pregnancy hormones seemed to prevent me from developing one. Sounds like a fun urology research topic for someone out there.
Rest assured this is not a blog only about pee pee and poo poo. I'm no R. Kelly.
As I continue to piss daggers at this moment, I'm so grateful for health insurance, 24-hour pharmacies, and modern medicine. I shudder to think there are millions of women on the planet without access to any kind of treatment of their recurring UTIs and yeast infections. Many live right here in the USA.
I have a long history with these fuckers. I get UTIs whenever DH and I have sex - which BTW, is not as often as I'd like since giving birth to my second child 4 months ago (I meant the SEX is not as often, not the UTIs - we're both willing but the kids keep cockblocking us.)
I'm taking generic Bactrim for it, but it hasn't fully kicked in yet. In the meantime, I could take that over-the-counter AZO shizz, but don't want to stain my granny panties orange. I'm told I should take half a pill of Bactrim prophylactically, and pee (obviously) everytime after having sex. So I knew what to do, but the real reason I have this UTI right now is that I have been so used to not getting them for so long that I slacked. I haven't gotten one since before I got pregnant last January. For some unknown reason, the pregnancy hormones seemed to prevent me from developing one. Sounds like a fun urology research topic for someone out there.
Rest assured this is not a blog only about pee pee and poo poo. I'm no R. Kelly.
As I continue to piss daggers at this moment, I'm so grateful for health insurance, 24-hour pharmacies, and modern medicine. I shudder to think there are millions of women on the planet without access to any kind of treatment of their recurring UTIs and yeast infections. Many live right here in the USA.
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