Post Easter Thoughts

Oh, hello! Where was I?

1) Working a lot, that's where. (Spring break is now here/my super busy time is over = problem temporarily solved.)

2) Treating my kid for lice, that's where. Yes, I've said it here recently: I did not know if I could survive a child of mine getting lice. Every parent has their own personal, irrational no-go area. For some, it's vomit, or blood. Mine was lice. Well, the worst has officially happened and I'm pleased to report it was not nearly as bad as I had imagined it would be. I learned that lice cannot actually jump six feet through the air to land on someone's head and infect them. Nope, they have to crawl. (Thanks, CDC website). Sharing hats or say, batting helmets is a much more likely method of lice transmission. They're relatively easy to kill with over-the-counter products (such as Nix), or an Rx, followed by a thorough nit-picking, plus washing the bedding. It was a whole hell of a lot of laundry, which was the part I took care of and I probably went overboard on it, and luckily DH handled the actual hair treatment and lice and nit removal part. If lice ever make their way onto your precious child's head, I strongly recommend one parent be the hair person, the other the laundry person. Also, if you live in a large city, you probably have some sort of "lice service" business that can come to your home and help you problem-solve. Put their number on speed dial.

3) Starting perimenopause, that's where. My trusted doctor said so. Says it is often misdiagnosed, just like pretty much everything else under the sun in women's health, no? I almost wish it were something, anything else. But on second thought, I do not.

4) Hosting our annual Easter Egg Hunt, that's where. After putting this on for the last 3 years in a row, we have (the Saturday before) Easter entertaining down to a science. We ask people to bring a side dish, plus drink cups and baskets for their kids. We provided the ham and wine. Took away the dining room chairs, turned the dining table into a two-sided buffet. Set our alarms and went off hide the (recycled from prior years' plastic, plus a few real dyed) eggs at 5:30am. Told people to come at 11am, knowing several of them will always be late, started the hunt at 11:45 as we had secretly planned. Bonus points for guests who brought small hostess gifts (Daffodils! Stargazer lillies! Chocolate bunnies! Hooray), wore their Easter best, and/or wrote thank you notes (I just got one in the mail today, awwww).

5) Reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, that's where. Awesome book, no matter what your work preferences/statuses are, trust me, contrary to what the Sandberg haters on the internets who have not done the reading are saying, this book cannot possibly offend you. Period. In fact, it is one of the most heartfelt love letters to a SAHM (her own mother) I have ever read - surprise, surprise. Also, I read the part about what happened to her kids when they were traveling with her on the plane for work at the exact time the same thing was going down in our house -- made me feel better about it. I guess sharing really is caring. Anyway, everything she says in terms of workplace advice is straight out of a book I have been recommending since forever: Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office by Dr. Lois P. Frankel. If you loved Lean In, read Frankel's next to make Sandberg's advice more granular -- awful title I know, but if I could gift this book to every woman on her first job, I would.

6) Watching the premiere of Game of Thrones, Season 3, that's where. It's the only show I'll stay up past my laughably early bedtime to watch. Would somebody, anybody please kill off evil Geoffrey Baratheon already?! I can't wait for the Khaleesi's dragons to grow up.

7) Waiting, impatiently, for the premiere of Mad Men, Season 6 next Sunday, April 7, that's where. Yes, I love good TV. To me, it never feels like wasted time. Matthew Weiner suggests we watch the last 10 minutes of the final episode of Season 5 right before tuning in to the new season. So that's my plan.

I will resume regular posting soon. I have one brewing which will involve me kvetching about Suzy Lee Weiss's WSJ piece "To (All) the Colleges That Rejected Me" (thanks for your post alerting me to it @Catherine Johnson/kitchen table math).

Late 30s, Late Periods

I've taken three pregnancy tests in the last week. All have been negative, which is good because 1) I don't wish to give birth to any more babies, and 2) I use three forms of contraception.

The reason I have been helping to keep EPT in business lately is that my normally like-clockwork 29-day cycle is inexplicably off. My period is late, as in it's now Day 35 of my cycle. But I don't feel any sort of my usual premenstrual symptoms at all.

What gives?

I turn 37 soon - could I be starting peri-menipause already?

At what point do I consult a professional? HELP!

In which I drink the Latch on NYC haterade

I've been intrigued by the "Latch on NYC" anti-infant formula controversy this week. For the uninitiated, it's a New York City government plan designed to keep infant formula out of the mouths of newborn babies in the hospital while problematically not doing anything substantive to promote more breastfeeding. [In case it isn't already obvious, I'm opposed to it.]

There have been the usual criticisms that talking about Latch on NY is all yet another round of "mommy wars," and that our energies are best spent elsewhere instead of judging other people's choices. Well, yes - and to be clear, the only choices I'm about to judge are Mayor Bloomberg's. And yes, where's the guaranteed paid maternity leave for all?/private pumping spaces for all that aren't toilets?/the paid break time from employers? As in, all the things the rest of the first world has already figured out which make it possible for them to both work and breastfeed? Yes, we need to make some serious structural changes to the way America does business. Yes, we also need to also call out the times when the government fails to protect the breastfeeding rights of women. Yes, as a culture, we need to support breastfeeding, and see it as a positive practice. Yes, we need to tell the truth about the many, many benefits of breastfeeding. I get it. I hope critiques of what the hell is wrong with Latch on NY do not impede progress towards making any of those changes. Not that I think they will - as if any real progress was being made before this controversy arose!

Anyway, here are some of my favorite comments this week:

From @Drahill (comment #20) over on on Feministe--

"Here’s what gets me. Nationally, something like 75% of women nurse in the hospital. In NYC, it’s close to 90%. 3 months after birth, around 30% are still at it. Well, has it dawned on anybody that around 2-3 months is when lots of mothers go back to work? And that work isn’t exactly an easy place to nurse? Do they also realize that the nations with higher nursing rates provide paid maternity leave, longer leave, cover nursing expenses 100% and all that? But its easier to say “educate and encourage!” Because then, nobody talks about the actual biggest barriers to nursing."

My thoughts exactly!

It seems to me Mayor Bloomberg's mandate applies the power of the American city government to regulate the speech of doctors and nurses, directing them to have one-sided "breast is best" conversations designed to coerce women to make the "correct" choice. Yet in this case, even though some <90% of NYC mothers already breastfeed in the hospital, because some liberals like Bloomberg believe breastfeeding to be a public health issue of paramount importance, they're willing to ignore the rather obvious First Amendment problems, even while they hold the opposite view of the exact kind of government action when it comes to state-mandated anti-abortion speeches within the doctor-patient relationship. Apparently, breastfeeding is one of those Special Issues within public health where the ends justify the means. Despite having done no actual research to determine whether or not it will work - they're convinced Latch on NYC's hide the formula/give unsolicited advice strategy is the very best way to get those other >10% of NYC mothers on board with breastfeeding.

Has anyone asked the other >10% of NYC mothers why they choose not to breastfeed? Wouldn't that be a great place to start? But no, it's rhetorically easier and is extremely en vogue today after Citizens United to blame the big corporate bad guys than to figure out what we need to change structurally to make breastfeeding work for more families. May I suggest starting with making some changes to the New York City government's own policies for its workers? Bloomberg could make that happen right now. Why won't he?

As I said to one of my lactivist friends who thinks this initiative is the Second Coming, what if Mayor Bloomberg's next pet project is an anti-homebirth initiative or a pro-vaccination initiative, does everyone still honesty think these same passionate people will be applauding Bloomberg then? Or will they suddenly be able to see it for the massive overreach it is? (It sucks to suddenly have to agree with the Tea Party.)

Anyway, it's been fascinating to me how reasonable (and some decidedly not very reasonable) people can differ so vastly in their views on the policy. Some on the left have constructed this issue as one of government reigning in on formula companies in the name of public health, but if you really look at what will not be changing with this policy, it is easy to see that's something of a mischaracterization. What must the formula companies now do differently under the new Latch on NYC regime? Nothing. It's business as usual, best we can tell. They still get to drop off their free products and literature at all the hospitals - their marketing and labels are still visible - only now the hospital staff will put it in other places, we think? As of today, Bloomberg's own office doesn't even seem to know. Yeah, way to sock it to Big Forma. (Big Forma is a fun new term I learned this week. Nice, huh?) Way to hit them where it hurts and all. Oh, come on.

From @cherrybomb (comment #24) also on Feministe:

"If hospitals weren’t so shitty about ignoring women who say 'please don’t formula feed my baby' none of this would be needed. And what’s needed isn’t this new policy of making formula “less accessible,” what’s needed is doctors and nurses who actually pay attention to the wishes of the parents, whatever those wishes may be. This all just means hospital staff gets to keep being disrespectful to parents, it’s just now they’ll be pressuring for breasts instead of bottles. Any policy that is intended to make FOOD less accessible to INFANTS is a shitty policy, in my book."

Yes. That's why I'm in favor of the current system of allowing (most, but not all) people to select their own OB -- to make sure she's not a judgmental ass, or at least is not a judgmental ass in whatever way one finds troubling. I'm generally not in favor of the government telling medical professionals what they can or can't say to women, unless there is some compelling interest, which in this case, where the alternatives to breastfeeding are not affirmatively harmful to anyone, there's not.

So. I fully realize I hardly ever get comments when I talk politics and feminism like I've done here, but if you do have some thoughts to share I'd love to hear them. So long as you don't include obviously erroneous points like "formula is not food." And you'll notice you've gotten no personal nursing anecdotes from me, because it's irrelevant - I'm totally atypical. Please feel free to share yours though.

Yesterday I Held A Newborn Baby

My local friend, Stitch, gave birth yesterday to her third child. She texted me the baby's name and nice healthy measurements, along with a picture of her and her 3 kids sitting on their hospital bed. (Yep, most people seem to text and FB their birth announcements these days instead of making phone calls and then sending formal paper cards.)

Interestingly, I could not immediately tell from the names nor from the picture whether Stitch's new baby was a girl or boy. I was pretty delighted about that fact, actually, because I knew I would get to walk into the room and receive the news right there, in person. Of course, Stitch had no idea that she has herself a gender ambiguously-named baby. And I'll take my hatred of her name choices to my grave. Let me assure you, it's the names themselves I can't abide, not the fact of their gender ambiguity.

I walked in thinking to myself this baby is probably a boy, but no - she's a girl! And she's just perfect. And very fun to hold. And for the first time I can remember, I am not possessed of a single shred of womb wistfulness. I was pretty sure (95%-ish) before, but now I'm positive: I don't want any more babies of my own. Sometimes life has a funny way of making us certain of things.

Dear Arizona, You suck.

Oh Arizona, are you fucking kidding me with this? After we've already been through the first 8 circles of hell with all of this nonsense, thanks to your elected officials? Not to mention the fact that one of them could have been our current president.

By late July, within your state borders, life officially begins on the last day of a woman's menstrual period. As in over a week before sperm meets egg. As in even before some subset of future parents will have met each another. As in a virgin could be pregnant.

I need a drink.

Somebody please tell me why crazy ass legislation like this is not front page news, but the current national parenting non-versation Just. Won't. Go. Away. No, actually, don't. Just pass me that drink please.

Hysteria's Roots

From what I've been hearing about it, Asti Hustvedt's new book, Medical Muses, totally intrigues me. She studies the issue of hysteria, the now-defunct disease, and links it to "being a woman in an era that strictly limited female roles:"

"I set out to write a nonhysterical book about hysteria, to ground my work in something real. At first I found it unfathomable that these women really were suffering from the spectacular forms of illness recorded by their doctors, an illness that no longer exists. But now I believe that Blanche, Augustine, and Genevieve were indeed ill. They suffered from chronic debilitating symptoms. To what degree their disease was socially determined and to what degree it was physically determined is impossible to say. If they showed up at a hospital today, suffering from the same symptoms, they would probably be diagnosed with schizophrenia or conversion disorder or bipolar disorder. They would undoubtedly be diagnosed with eating disorders because they had bouts of willful starving and vomiting. However, if these women were alive today, they might not have become ill to begin with and no doubt would suffer from other symptoms."

Interesting. I also note that Hustvedt's book has been roundly criticized by the chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) community for asserting that CFS, along with anorexia, bulimia, self-mutilation, and multiple-personality disorder, is among a "crop of bizarre new illnesses" that, like hysteria, "stubbornly resist biological explanation."

Her stance reminds me of a brilliant former women's studies and biology professor of mine who was adamant that there's no such thing as "premenstrual syndrome," and that PMS is a patriarchal social construct. She'd say: "They should call it menstrual syndrome, it would be a lot more accurate."

Such assertions are no doubt threatening, and hard to swallow, if you're pretty damn positive your own lived experiences of things like PMS, CFS, and fibromyalgia are real, painful, and debilitating.

Pissing Daggers

I woke up at 4:45am this morning because I am grappling with a horrible Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). For those lucky enough to have never had one, let's just say it feels like pissing daggers. And I generally feel like I have to pee like RIGHT fucking NOW, but then only a few drops come out. But then when I ignore the "I have to urgently pee" sensation, I end up wetting myself.

I have a long history with these fuckers. I get UTIs whenever DH and I have sex - which BTW, is not as often as I'd like since giving birth to my second child 4 months ago (I meant the SEX is not as often, not the UTIs - we're both willing but the kids keep cockblocking us.)

I'm taking generic Bactrim for it, but it hasn't fully kicked in yet. In the meantime, I could take that over-the-counter AZO shizz, but don't want to stain my granny panties orange. I'm told I should take half a pill of Bactrim prophylactically, and pee (obviously) everytime after having sex. So I knew what to do, but the real reason I have this UTI right now is that I have been so used to not getting them for so long that I slacked. I haven't gotten one since before I got pregnant last January. For some unknown reason, the pregnancy hormones seemed to prevent me from developing one. Sounds like a fun urology research topic for someone out there.

Rest assured this is not a blog only about pee pee and poo poo. I'm no R. Kelly.

As I continue to piss daggers at this moment, I'm so grateful for health insurance, 24-hour pharmacies, and modern medicine. I shudder to think there are millions of women on the planet without access to any kind of treatment of their recurring UTIs and yeast infections. Many live right here in the USA.