Sunday, March 7, 2010

Too Much

This week I reached several personal limits:

Too much dog urine in the living room carpet
Too many tantrums from 28-mo-old DS
Too many hours of DH away from home, plus too many hours of babysitter on vacation = way too much time alone with my kids
Too much yelling and general hateration from me towards DS
Too long before I was able to finally take a fucking shower

I think I'm done having kids. Not feeling certain enough to give away all outgrown baby clothes and have DH get a vasectomy... but I'm done with feeling overwhelmed. Definitely see the benefit to the concept of LESS IS MORE.

...But talk to me again in a year, and I might have changed my mind. Again.

How did you know you were DONE? With whatever?

p.s. This may have sounded overly harsh. I didn't mean it to. I like my kids. I just had them too close together and in perhaps the wrong gender order. I know things will improve with time. But right now, I just really need more time to myself that does not include my work or running errands, that's my lesson from this oh so shitty week. In other news, the Oscars are tonight. And DH is making Chicago style pizza. Cause we cashed in a bunch of credit card bonus points and finally got a stand mixer. In tangerine. That's what I'm happy about at this moment. (Lame-o.)


Aubergine Kenobi said...

I totally get what you're going through! My children are also close together (18 months), and like you, I just know I don't want another child (and I don't even think I'd change my mind either!). But I don't regret having them close together, (as overwhelming as it is!), because I'm sure they'll be best friends forever (it's the same with my sis and we're 14 moths apart), and also the thought that once this 5 years are over, the extreme neediness will be over.
Hope this week is better, and enjoy your new tangerine mixer!

mom2boys said...

Your daughter has a big brother - that's not a bad thing to have in life. Think about when they are in high school and he screens all her potential suitors for her (probably against her wishes lol).

I hope this week brings back your babysitter and your pizza turned out yummy.

Claudia said...

LOVE me some tangerine kitchen appliances! Have fun.

I had one kid, and am most definitely done. Good thing I'm old and can use that excuse (42, for those about to ask). Not cuz she isn't utterly wonderful, but because I don't have it in me to go through another babyhood. Nor have to give yet more of myself. Perhaps waiting to have a kid til I was 38 meant I got reaaallllly used to being utterly selfish, and it is therefore harder to unlearn. Shrug.

I've had enough of winter, thankyouverymuch. Can we just thaw this snow and ice crap, and see some, oh I don't know, flowers???

caramama said...

So a month and a half ago, I was SO SURE, absolutely positive, that I was done having kids. Then I started getting more sleep, the kids started playing together even better, and my hormones did something wacky. Cause now I'm thinking that maybe I do want another.

This is why we are holding off getting ride of the baby stuff and the hubby getting the vasectomy for another 4-5 years. Just in case. ;-)

p.s. A mixer in tangerine? Ooooohhh! That must be gorgeous!

Cloud said...

I knew I was done when I spent the majority of my second pregnancy with itchy legs. No one could ever really explain why I had them, but as they predicted, the rash and itch went away a few weeks post-partum.

And then, about 6 weeks before I was due, I got PUPPs on my stomach. So I was even itchier.

But I always was of the "two or zero" school of children. I was surprised when, in the midst of the year of extreme sleep-deprivation after our first was born, I thought "one may be enough."

The fog didn't lift until she was about 20 months old. I got pregnant not long after. I'm glad we have two, but I don't need a third. Hubby isn't sure enough to consent to the vasectomy yet, though, so I ended up getting a Mirena (a bit of a mistake- I probably should have gone with the Paraguard. Oh well.)

Jac said...

One, trying for two - obviously I'm not feeling done yet. I was originally aiming for just under a 3 year gap, but it seems to be taking me a bit longer than the first time round. Sigh... I forgot how mentally occupying it is trying to get pregnant.

paola said...

Seems like my last comment got eaten up.

Like Claudia I waited too long to have kids and had my first at 38, second at 40. Had I started earlier I would have slipped another one in somewhere. Now, that my kids are biggish, the last thing I would want to do is go back to nappies and nursing and give up my newly found independence. There is a time for that, but it has passed for me.

Still, I found it hard to part with my baby clothes. I only started giving things away last year. It is always hard to part with treasured objects.

hush said...

@Aubergine Kenobi - Thank you for that, you're right about it only being about 5 years of extreme neediness. I hope they'll be close.

@mom2boys - You're right - a caring big brother is a treasure during the teen years! The pizza turned out great. DH found the recipe in a recent issue of Cook's Illustrated, and it is legit.

@Claudia - 42 ain't old! I hope Bumfuck Denmark starts growing you some flowers soon!

@caramama - When you say you're maybe thinking you want another it actually gives me hope that things will improve - whether or not we decide to have one more. That's a good thing to know! Thank you.

@Cloud - Being sure enough to have the vasectomy is something I can't quite comprehend either. But it is also scary because accidents happen. I was going to get the Paraguard but got some misinformation about when to get it, the level of pain involved, and then got sidetracked and now I don't have one. Sigh.

@Jac - I am excited for you! Best wishes and much enjoyment on your attempts!

@Paola - Yes, what is it with baby clothes? They resist all efforts to let go! I compromised by keeping only the most precious ones that seemed timeless, and the ones that had the strongest memories attached to them. It was hard.