Thursday, February 25, 2010

Oscar Watch

I'm really looking forward to this year's Oscars (Sunday, March 7th!!!). Alex Baldwin & Steve Martin are co-hosting. Love them both. Alec, I've especially been loving your bloated ass ever you since you let the asshole out. Yeah, you got caught on tape saying really mean things to your daughter, which is not good. But you know what, that tape really helped to put into perspective all the mean things my own mom used to say to me at that age; in fact my BFF and I agree what you said was pretty mild compared to the shizz we endured from our own mommies dearest. And looking at you now, Alec, it makes me realize what a long, long time ago "Clueless" came out, and the phrase "He's such a Baldwin" once meant something, but alas that meaning is now totally lost. Steve Martin, dude, you have looked the same since "Planes, Trains and Automobiles." For real. You were so wise to just let your hair go gray prematurely and all. In fact, I can't even tell for sure what decade you're in - your 50's? or 70's? That's pretty incredible.

Ok, so everyone who has read my blogger profile knows what a crazy freak I am for movies. When I was 10, I won a newspaper contest that had people pick the Oscar winners in the major categories. The tiebreaker question (which I lost) was to guess how long the Oscars would be - past my bedtime then (and now). Anyway, I usually move heaven and earth every year to see all 5 best picture nominees. Now this year they go and change the game on me and double that number, at a time when I have even less me time than ever (thank you, my 2 precious babes).

Best Picture Nominees I Have Seen:
District 9
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Up in the Air

I'm not going to be all Bob Dole and comment negatively on movies I have never seen. But of the five movies I've just listed, 2 have made my lifetime favorites list: "District 9" and "Inglourious Basterds." See them, with the caveat - they are both horribly violent and out there. I hope Quentin Tarantino wins best director; he has a style and universe all his own, and has been overlooked for far too long. And I love that Tarantino used to be a clerk in a video store while trying to break into filmmaking. However, I think Kathryn Bigelow will win though for "Hurt Locker." She's only the 4th woman ever to be nominated for Best Director. Yes, fo rizzle. Crazy!!! I know. But the thing is, I didn't think "Hurt Locker" was particularly memorable, nor was it even among the best war movies ever. By the way, she is up against James "Avatar" "Titantic" "Terminator" Cameron, her ex-friggin-husband. Karma says she deserves to win.

Your thoughts? Predictions?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

First Impressions

There was an ad back in the day (for deodorant I think) with the tagline: "Because you never get a second chance to make a first impression." I've been thinking about some of the first impressions I had of the people here in Podunkville. More often than not, my first impressions have been totally wrong.

For instance, there's Stitch, who is my local Podunk BFF. Stitch is someone I am always my authentic self around. I was reflecting on how our friendship began & developed, and I suddenly remembered what an odd, but not necessarily negative, first impression Stitch made on me. We were all at our house, and another couple we're mutual friends with brought Stitch and her husband, Cowboy, over for dinner. The husbands hit it off right away, as did our kids (back when we both had only one), but I was like "what is up with this wacky Stitch biotch?" Because Stitch said a few things about how cute her own kid was: "Everyone thinks she is so cute! And she truly is just so cute!." Yeah, ok, I know we all think our kids are cute (well maybe we all don't), but we don't go around proclaiming this to other parents we've just met, right? So Stitch is all "Everyone just loves my daughter! And her unique little name actually means 'fairy flatulence,' etc..." Now for some reason (I was desperate to make a connection with someone, ANYONE local), we ended up getting together to have the kids play a few weeks later, and lo and behold - Stitch was suddenly a normal fucking person who was charming, witty, and real. Go figure! Turns out the night we first met, she was a bit drunk on something she rarely drinks (hard alcohol) and it caused her to spew diarrhea of the mouth about her kid, who she clearly loves to pieces.

So tell me - do you think first impressions are basically correct?

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Pissing Daggers

I woke up at 4:45am this morning because I am grappling with a horrible Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). For those lucky enough to have never had one, let's just say it feels like pissing daggers. And I generally feel like I have to pee like RIGHT fucking NOW, but then only a few drops come out. But then when I ignore the "I have to urgently pee" sensation, I end up wetting myself.

I have a long history with these fuckers. I get UTIs whenever DH and I have sex - which BTW, is not as often as I'd like since giving birth to my second child 4 months ago (I meant the SEX is not as often, not the UTIs - we're both willing but the kids keep cockblocking us.)

I'm taking generic Bactrim for it, but it hasn't fully kicked in yet. In the meantime, I could take that over-the-counter AZO shizz, but don't want to stain my granny panties orange. I'm told I should take half a pill of Bactrim prophylactically, and pee (obviously) everytime after having sex. So I knew what to do, but the real reason I have this UTI right now is that I have been so used to not getting them for so long that I slacked. I haven't gotten one since before I got pregnant last January. For some unknown reason, the pregnancy hormones seemed to prevent me from developing one. Sounds like a fun urology research topic for someone out there.

Rest assured this is not a blog only about pee pee and poo poo. I'm no R. Kelly.

As I continue to piss daggers at this moment, I'm so grateful for health insurance, 24-hour pharmacies, and modern medicine. I shudder to think there are millions of women on the planet without access to any kind of treatment of their recurring UTIs and yeast infections. Many live right here in the USA.