Monday, January 21, 2013

Sex Before Dinner

I'm the friend that people call up to ask for "married people" sex advice. I'll take that as a compliment. (I think?)

One of the biggest sexual roadblocks I'm hearing from married people has to do with being too tired at night for the mood to strike: "Help, we have amazing little kids, but they are cramping our sex lives because we're never alone!" Yes, that was me when my 2nd baby was under a year old, and not coincidentally, my marriage was at its lowest point ever. I learned that The Sex is very, very important to me. I start feeling irritable when I don't have The Sex regularly -- I start hating my DH and probably vice versa.

(Yes, folks, this is reason #1925 why I don't blog under my real name!)

Did I also mention we are crazy enough to co-sleep with our kids-- in separate beds, on separate floors of our house? This fact makes it difficult to ever have The Sex in our own bed late at night. That, and we all go to bed ridiculously early by American standards. (I judge this so-called US standard by the number of texts I get from local girlfriends after 10pm at night when my phone is turned off -- y'all Amurrikans definitely need to go to sleep earlier).

So how do we prioritize The Sex, you ask? It's as simple as making Sex Before Dinner part of the weeknight routine:

#1. We plan to have sex early in the evening, 3 nights a week, as soon as we're both home for the night (it usually happens somewhere between 5:30-6:15pm-ish). We say hello to each other and the kids, talk briefly about our days, then put on some Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood or Dinosaur Train for the kids, and set them up with a beverage and some fruit. DH and I sneak off to a room in the house with a lockable door and a box of tissues. The TV distraction for the kids only works if we don't let them watch TV at any other time, which is hard because educational-ish TV is quite possibly the world's best babysitter ever.

#2. Twenty minutes later... done! DH starts getting dinner ready (he plans all dinners a few days in advance to free up more time), and afterwards the kids and I clean up, and eventually we're all asleep by 9:30pm (unless the 3-year-old has napped that day at preschool, grrr.....).

By having sex before dinner, DH and I are never "too tired" for sex. I've found that it's like sex begets more sex - and planned sex on weeknights often leads to more spontaneous sex on the weekends. I have no idea why on earth that is - it just is.

Try it, you'll like it!


Anonymous said...

but... I'm hungry when I get home from work, and not for man-meat...

I suspect but do not like to think about this, that my parents had a reason for only letting me watch Saturday morning cartoons while they "slept in".

Jac. said...

We do early evening sex too, but for us it's immediately after the kids go to bed (lucky us, usually by 7:30). Before we do anything else (housework, work work, netflix) we get nekkid. Then, the rest of the evening passes by in happy satisfaction. I find if we don't do this, by the time we get to bed at our usual time, we're just tired. We don't feel like it. I just wanna read my book and go to sleep...

Jac. said...

@nicoleandmaggie - "hungry... and not for man-meat". Bwhahaha!

Anonymous said...

Likewise we discovered that Saturday or Sunday morning, while child watches DVD with her "noise cancelling" headphones (since her room is right next to us) is a good solution. Mornings are the time when we both want it! But, this is only a weekend solution so yeah. I wish we had a mid-week solution too.